PMS day ? Probably ..

3NOV2012 I guess today I'm having bad mood or what . Maybe are harsh alittle ); but I really dislike th feeling of getting high hope and yet get nothing at all ): I really wish life was much more simpler . I hate myself too . I always told myself to Change to be a better girl but I always failed ): where's th seesia I used to be ? Is it something that I can't be back like I used to be ? I really think I should push all hatred and unhappiness aside and not letting all this unnecessary things to destroy my current life . But I always feel there's a big stone pressing against my heart . I couldn't lift it up or maybe can't even overcome my own fear . I know tht nobody will understand this state of feelings but yet again I really wish there's someone who understand me . I really don't want to hurt my hubby but I don't know how not to .); Hubby im really sorry for not being a best girlfriend , not even being the better one ): i love you pleaaseeeeeeeee